Saturday, 12 June 2010

Rock Me, Amadeus

I could be wrong, but I think the late Falco's strange homage to Mozart constitutes the only UK number one record to be sung in German - which is a pity, because it's a damn fine language (except when you're trying to speak it under oral examination conditions, that is).

So I was mighty pleased to get a copy of a German translation of Black Lace's final anthology, The Affair, in the post. My story, Das Interwiew, looks really quite cool in German! And, inspired by Saskia Walker, who is celebrating her book Rampant's translation into Italian, I decided to have a bit of fun with online translation software.

Here, then, is how the opening paragraphs of my story are rendered from the excellent German translation back into English by babelfish:

'" If it is too late, I do not even become it into consideration. I radiated delay in my working life with enough; I also reject to face, in my Privatleben." My man is remarks is jähzornig comes prematurely, it is still only five minutes before three. Our candidate to be would know cuts of things a little well, but it is time enough, over parking lots A and crosses the gravel way up to the entry door before expiration of the term. I take my last chance, application threw a critical view on the photographies, although perhaps came with that, to ' critical' is not the mot juste. The man, the competition has himself struck to process to reach this last stage of the selective procedure is breath-taking to be regarded. A shot of its face in the half profile, do not catch the exact diagonal of its cheek bones, outlines of its rather wonderful nose and lightning Teufelei in its eyes reveal the anything to fuller lips disappoint except few that could be. But then, who wants perfection? My man, I assume, but it is its own animal at all.'

You'll have to trust me when I tell you that my own writing is slightly more polished than this. Or, if you need proof, the book is available on amazon ;).

As if evidence of good German taste were in any doubt, I should also tell you that they have picked up the wonderful Charlotte Stein's collection, The Things That Make Me Give In, for distribution in the Buchhandlungen of the country. Ja!


  1. LOL LOL LOL LOL forever. "A shot of ITS face"??? "In my Privatleben"??? I am frightened by this. But then, my German Uncle tells me that "He Just Does" in The Affair has become something like "he likes it simple", sooooo...

    And thanks for the shout-out, bb! AM EXCITE!

  2. I like the final sentence: 'My man, I assume, but it is its own animal at all.' Sounds highly dodgy!

    And German translations are the new black! They love their erotica, and I love them!